All Washed Up (Or Not)

After 16 months of stress-free bathing, my daughter has developed a rather sudden phobia of the bathtub. And I don't mean a mild distaste for it, but rather full-fledged terror at the very prospect of coming within 10 feet of the tub--the way some people have a phobia of spiders, or of heights, or of Heidi Montag's solo album. It's like nothing I've seen before, and my heart goes out to my poor baby, who really seems to be suffering.

At first we tried forcing her into the tub, only to have her stand and scream at the top of lungs for the entire ritual...when she wasn't desperately trying to climb out. The whole thing felt a little cruel. Sure, I want her to get clean, but not at the expense of losing her trust in us and developing a full-on phobia of water. And so I called my panel of experts: women in my family who have raised kids that bathe on a semi-regular basis without hysterics and drama. I got some great suggestions: ideas for bath toys and games, bathing together, switching up the routine.

But when I look into baby's eyes, I think it's more than just making the tub seem like the place to be. She's overwhelmed and maybe even traumatized. And so I'm trying something a little different. Today I undressed her, put her down, and promised her I would not force her into the tub. And I didn't. She began sobbing and ran away. I sat in the bathroom and waited. She eventually came and stood in the doorway and looked at me imploringly. I held out my arms and kept repeating "It's just Mommy." While she wouldn't get in the tub, she eventually let me carry her into the bathroom and give her a sponge bath next to the tub. I filled a measuring cup with water and held it near her. She was scared of it at first, but eventually began dipping her washcloth in it and "helping" me bathe her.

No, I didn't get her into the tub, and no, I don't know if this is going to work. But maybe I can't solve this for her. Maybe it's a fear she needs to conquer on her own. All I can do right now is let her know that she needs to work through this, and that I'm here to help. I think sometimes we need to force our will upon our children, such as ensuring they don't play in the road. Other times we need to treat them as people with their own wills and minds. I'm giving the latter a try.

My sister-in-law told me a story about a client who is afraid of rattlesnakes. When this client one day discovered one in her yard, she picked up a stick and decided to battle her fear. "Sometimes it's important to face your fears," my sister-in-law said. I agree. But it's one thing to pick up a stick and hunt that rattlesnake--and quite another to have someone demand you conquer your fear by throwing the rattlesnake in your face.

I'm hoping that, with my support, baby will pick up the stick and battle her demons. If not, it's going to be very close quarters around here for a while.