Training Days

I took the train to the city the other day to have lunch with my former boss. While on the train, a ride that, both ways, probably took longer than the lunch itself, I thought about how appropriate the ride was...symbolic in a way. As a work-from-home mom, I often feel like I live between two worlds. I don't quite fit in with the working-mom set. They worry about daycare; I worry about (barely) affording health care. I don't commute to an office. I don't wear a suit (or clothes that don't double as pajamas). I don't order my lunch from a shoebox-sized deli where despotic cashiers bark at you if you fail to pay within a 30-second time frame. I take breaks from my computer not to talk to coworkers or grab coffee, but rather to nurse my daughter or (on a good day) take a quick shower. I'm a mom who works, but not a working mom.

And yet, like many of the women I know, I'm not living the life of the "stay-at-home mom" that I imagined for myself. I can't schedule play dates because I have deadlines set by editors who don't care that I'd rather be at the playground watching my daughter squeal in the swing. I can hear my daughter laughing with my husband or parents on the other side of the wall, yet I'm glued to a computer screen in the office, trying to rewrite an article on establishing an LLC in Michigan (it's not too complicated, if you're interested). I'm a mom who stays at home, but I'm not a traditional stay-at-home mom.

Yes, riding on the train between two worlds--the quiet, serene village that is my home and the frenetic city that provides my livelihood--suits my situation. I've come to accept living in the "in between," creating a life instead of choosing a label. And if that means typing an email while nursing, or correcting a split infinitive from my iPhone while at the playground...well, so be it. My train may not always run smoothly or on schedule, but I'm doing my best to enjoy the ride.